dear Santa, 2003

Dear Santa,
Usually I write my letter to you earlier in the month but I appear to be in more denial than usual about Christmas this year. I am very sorry. I know Christmas is your big day, and I should be all excited about it, but I would like to hide under the bed until it goes away.

I am not in a festive holiday mood this year. My boyfriend and I decorated a pretty pink tree, and I sent a stack of Christmas cards, and I have a fair amount of Christmas shopping done. I might even make some presents for people. For example, we are doing a little Secret Santa gift draw at work (no disrespect to you, natch) and I drew my boss’s name, and I am thinking of spray-painting a Swingline stapler in bright red for him. Except I’m busy and tired and might wimp out and get him Rudy’s gift certificates instead. We’ll see.
But you know I have to make presents for my grandparents, and my great-aunt and uncle, because they hate getting stuff that takes up too much room and you can’t find much of anything they’ll eat or drink and they get uncomfortable if we spend too much money on them. So I’ve done interesting things with old photos the past few years, but this year my creativity is tapped. I might make them note cards, if I can think of anything to put on the cards that they’ll like. Bluebonnets, perhaps.
And because I must have masochistic tendencies, I might actually make my dad a Web site for his furniture business, as Christmas gift to him. Yes, I will make a Web site in less than two weeks when I have a freelance client waiting impatiently for me to finish his site, plus my own Web sites to work on … but my mom hasn’t scanned any furniture photos for me yet, so that present might have to wait until Father’s Day anyway.
That’s what I wish I could ask you to give me for Christmas: to give everyone I know presents from me, so I don’t have to do it. That would sure be nice. However, I understand that there are limits.
I have found some presents I really like, anyway, like the copy of the new Joe Bob Briggs book for my little brother, which I got the author to sign with my brother’s name, and which I’m pretty sure he’ll enjoy. Or the book of Tolkien illustrations for my sister, which she knew no one would get her from her Amazon list because it was too expensive, but which I found at Half-Price Books.
You know, Santa, I thought I didn’t have a list for you this year. I really don’t seem to need much, after all. I have this lovely little house, and now I have a sweet boyfriend who’s going to live in the house with me, my job is fine, I have enough money (provided nothing around here breaks) and everything is going well.
I do have a list, though, of things I would like for Christmas this year. I understand that some are more feasible than others:

• A complete, total, and utter lack of headaches and migraines. Or at least fewer. Anything would help.
• More 1930s romantic/screwball comedies on DVD. You don’t actually have to give me the DVDs. Just get your little elves to have a word with the DVD distributors, and have them release some good quality transfers of my favorite movies. If you could persuade someone to release A Foreign Affair on DVD, I’d be particularly grateful. And Holiday too, because my videotape is starting to wear.
• While you’re at it, a widescreen DVD of The Muppet Movie would be a boon to mankind generally.
• An ice-storm-free winter here in Austin. You know how much I hate dealing with icy roads.
• More general energy and motivation. I seem to be in short supply these days, and could use a boost.
• See if you can convince Bluebell to start making pints of Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream again. I really miss it.
• A nice, unexpected treat for my sister. She needs one.
• Minimizing the number of exceptionally annoying songs I will have to hear this Christmas. I know it’s inevitable that I will hear plenty of Christmas music wherever I go, but if you could cut down my exposure to that scary Chipmunks song and those Benny Grunch and the Bunch songs that I have to hear millions of times when I’m in New Orleans, I would be so happy. I realize this is probably the most impossible task on the list.
• A good (completed) Terry Gilliam-directed movie in 2004. He’ll thank you too.
• Some good cheer for all my relatives so we can all have as unstressful a Christmas as possible. In particular, I hope you can help my grandmother stay in good spirits, but not so good that she starts commenting on people’s weight.
• A little patience, because things are going to be very different around here next year, and I don’t want to screw anything up.

Wow, that’s quite a long list for someone who said she didn’t need much of anything, but you know I hate to admit to being needy in any way. I would be delighted with any of the gifts on that list. Most of all, I hope that next year I am writing you again about how much I love my nice little house and my sweet boyfriend and the way my life is working generally.
Merry Christmas,
–Jette