movies this week: paging Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

I am looking for Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. Has anyone seen her lately? I need her to cure my case of the Don’t-Wannas.
I don’t know how many of you have ever read the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books by Betty MacDonald (who also wrote The Egg and I), but they are delightful children’s books. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle lived alone in an upside-down house and she understood children perfectly. In fact, the neighborhood parents were always calling her to ask for help with their children, and Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle had wonderful and sometimes magical cures for kids who didn’t take baths, or refused to pick up their toys, or had terrible table manners.
I am sure that Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle would have an effective cure for the Don’t-Wannas. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t wanna write my grandparents. I don’t wanna change the cat’s litter box. I don’t wanna write movie reviews. And I don’t wanna write Movies This Week.
Perhaps she would provide some sort of magic powder that kept me stuck in bed for awhile. At first it would be lovely to not have to get out of bed and do anything. Later, I would get so bored and restless that I would jump at the chance to go to the office or clean the kitchen or see a Jennifer Lopez movie.
Without Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, I cannot overcome my apathy for the movies opening this week. I don’t wanna write about them and I don’t wanna see them. Can’t I go somewhere else for a little rest and recreation? I hear the south of France is lovely at this time of year.

New movies in Austin this week:
Kicking & Screaming—A little-boy soccer movie with Will Ferrell and Mike Ditka as the kids’ coaches. What fun. Wanna see Bend It Like Beckham again instead.
Mindhunters—Renny Harlin is still directing? I had no idea. This is one of those movies that Miramax had been holding from release until the recent upheaval. This thriller wanna-be stars Val Kilmer and Christian Slater. Wanna see the Paul Schrader pre-Harlin version of the Exorcist prequel instead.
Monster-in-Law—The trailer for this movie made it appear to be a misogynistic, mediocre piece of crap. Early reviews confirm this. Sorry, Jane, but I hope it flops.
Unleashed—Jet Li and Morgan Freeman. Doesn’t that sound appealing? And Bob Hoskins too! Written by Luc Besson. Oh dear. I’m still recovering from being in the same room where someone else was watching The Fifth Element. Wanna watch a nice early Jackie Chan movie instead.
Notable events/revivals in Austin:
The Paramount’s Summer Film Classics schedule is online here. I am happy that they are showing The Wild Bunch, which I have been dying to see in a theater, Double Indemnity, and the restored version of Major Dundee. I was hoping for some Harold Lloyd, but I guess I’ll have to wait for the DVDs.
The Amityville Horror—Playing at Alamo Village Fri/Sat 5/13-14 at midnight. This is the original 1979 movie with James Brolin and Margot Kidder, not the recent remake.
Bad Education—Playing at Alamo Downtown on and off all week. I still want to see this movie. Hope I can make time.
Creature from the Black Lagoon—Playing at Alamo Downtown Sun. 5/15 and Wed-Thurs 5/18-19. In 3D! I have seen this movie in 3D, though, and I was unimpressed. It does not date well.
The Magic Flute—Playing at the Paramount on Sat. 5/14 and Tues. 5/17 as part of a tribute to Ingmar Bergman. Paramount is advertising this as a new print.
The Magician—Playing at the Paramount on Sat. 5/14 and Tues. 5/17 as part of a tribute to Ingmar Bergman. Paramount is advertising this as a new print.
Mask—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Sun. 5/15 with Peter Bogdanovich in attendance. This is the director’s cut.
Paper Moon—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Sat. 5/14 with Peter Bogdanovich in attendance.
Smiles of a Summer Night—Playing at the Paramount on Thurs-Fri. 5/19-20 as part of a tribute to Ingmar Bergman. Paramount is advertising this as a new print. This is the one movie in the Bergman series that I particularly want to see.
Wild Strawberries—Playing at the Paramount on Thurs-Fri. 5/19-20 as part of a tribute to Ingmar Bergman. Paramount is advertising this as a new print.
I do wanna see The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. We still have The Bad News Bears and My Little Chickadee on DVD to watch at home.
I still need to write reviews for Kung Fu Hustle, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, But I’m a Cheerleader, Paper Moon, Spy Kids 2, The Celluloid Closet, The Iron Giant, Raging Bull, and Maria Full of Grace. Maybe it’s time to do one of those big summary entries with one-paragraph reviews, but those are inconvenient for me when I try to find the reviews in the archives later. I could chain myself to my laptop and force myself to finish these reviews over the weekend, but … you know. I don’t wanna. Perhaps I’ll reread my Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books instead.